I want so badly to do well…

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I don’t know how to do this, healthy eating thing. I keep trying, and I keep failing. It isnt that I dont like the food, nor is it that I am hungry and I keep eating. The problem is my emotions are a mess right now.

Mike is almost to the quitting point at his day job. I will be slightly happier that he will be more awake when I see him, however, he will be gone in the evenings when I am home. I am missing him something fierce. I have no one to talk to and I feel frustrated and exhausted by the most simple and ridiculous things. Being a single mom sucks, especially when you are in a relationship with someone, they just work all the time. I miss my lover.

There are other things going on in my life that are causing me stress. Because the problems are never really dealt with, I eat because it makes me feel good. Sometimes this is completely sub-conscious.

Either way, I am re-evaluating how I do things. I need a plan to get past the barriers of stress and loneliness. (Spring should help with this!)

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Lapse in Judgement

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I screwed up for a while. Not just a few days, like 10. I know what started it too. Cake at work. Stupid cake. There is always a party there. People are always bringing food. Then the stress of things going on at work made me want to do nothing but eat, even while I was working. So. I am starting over, yet again.

Mike and I have talked about a way to make me more successful. I have struggled for so long with this. Before I was with Mike, I never had a problem. Then again, I’ve never been with someone like Mike, who, can eat more than an army, by himself. His metabolism is insane, and when he eats, I want to eat. He has done really well not to eat bad around me, but I need him to NOT want to eat out. We need to give that up too, in order for me to do better. I have to do better.

So, here goes. For the 750th time, I am starting over. UGH. I wish I could just get past the first month. That’s all. Here’s praying. đŸ™‚