Taking a totally different direction, basically because this is what is on my mind right now, is marriage.

I am not married. I have been in a relationship with Mike since 2004; it will be 7 years in September. Now, I have always had an interesting stance on marriage, if that’s what you would like to call it. I call it “the many excuses of Sam” in an attempt to disguise how I really feel.

1. I just dont want to get married. This is completely untrue. If you hear me say this, laugh. I have found that it is easier to put how I feel in this umbrella phrase than explain.

2. Getting married is something that I can’t do; It will be like admitting that I have worth because I have found a man.  Though I do not believe that a woman’s worth is because of her man, certain someone close to me DOES view marriage and women in this way. This has to be one of the BIGGEST mitigating factors in my quest against marriage. But, shouldnt I then recognize that this person’s feelings are not my own? Yes. So, don’t let me use this excuse anymore.

3. I don’t want to get married because of all the “fuss”. I would have to say that this statement is almost true, except that I know that I can get married without a fuss.

Honestly, I think that the biggest reason that I am not married is, (deep breath), I do want a wedding. I want a big fancy dress. I want bridesmaids, flowers, pictures, Mike and Austin in matching tuxedos, and a honeymoon away from the world. True to my personality though, because I cannot have this, nor would I ever ask, I have dumbed down my perception of marriage to the point that I don’t want to do it at all. (Almost like my fear of failure, this would be fear of not living up to my dream….)

Mike says he wants to finally get married next year. I guess I am going to have to deal with this beast sooner or later…..

Advertisements