Surviving a relationship that consists of one person working one shift, while the other person works and entirely different shift is extremely difficult. People cannot assume they understand what it is like unless they have been in the situation; people can also not understand how terribly difficult it is. To see the person you love only two days a week, to hear their voice for 15 minutes a day total, and to watch your child search for their daddy is heart breaking. So, instead of thinking of all the things that suck about the situation I will remind myself and others of the things that you should be grateful for. You never know when they may be taken away from you. The things I miss the most:

1. Having someone to talk to at the end of the day. I miss being able to come home and unload all my burdens, thoughts, and feelings, upon my significant other(SO). Like I said, we get 15 minutes a day to talk most of the time, and much of that time is going over bills, mundane daily questions (did you let the dog out, where is the phone charger, etc), and the child. All very important things, but as the days go by, much of what I need to say and/or release goes unsaid and is stuffed down. It’s not about my SO, but him being the only person I have ever felt ok to open up to entirely, my ability to open up has gone back to a bare minimum.

2. Having something to do in the evening and looking forward to doing it. This could be as simple as watching TV together or going to the park with our son. Either way, I miss doing things on a regular basis as a family. I miss getting excited to go and do things and see how our son reacts. I miss our interactions as a family.

3. Hugs and Kisses. Two days worth just arent enough. I feel so empty inside at times. I just want to be held so badly. One kiss…. as we are running out the door is just not enough.

4. Feeling Safe at night. I can’t remember the last time I felt safe at night. I check the locks and doors probably 6 times each before I go to bed, and even then I still freak out.

5. Not being a single mother. Yes, I am in a relationship with someone I love dearly. But the truth is, I am a single mother. I do most everything for my child with very little assistance. I pay the bills. I clean the house. I go get the food. I cook the food. I parent my son and take care of our dog…. all by myself.

6. Going out with family and/or friends.  Because we only have two days together, it’s hard to justify the selfish need to spend time away from our son or away from each other. So we don’t. We pick and choose and try to stay together as much as possible; but we really miss being adults and having fun.

7. Being able to sleep with the windows open. Again, because I am afraid and alone, I don’t leave the windows open when there is an opportunity to do so. The whole fall season passed and I have not yet slept with a window open.

8. Having support and feeling loved. I know that my SO loves me. He wouldnt be doing what he is doing if he didnt. I just miss hearing, seeing, and feeling that love on a daily basis. My heart feels so empty through the week.

My life is not terrible at all. The situation that I am in is less than ideal. We definitely try to make the most of the time that we have, however, I miss so many things that a normal person takes for granted.